A Heart Like Mary

It’s hard to think of the nativity without thinking about Mary. Over the past month I’ve reflected on Mary’s posture of obedience, worship, and welcome. Today I’m thinking about her posture of sacrifice. No mother wants to outlive her child or see them suffer.

We know the whole story, a story Mary could only guess at. It begins in Bethlehem with a mother’s welcoming arms, under an earthly father’s protective eye, with the proclamation of angels and welcome of shepherds. It ends with the baby grown up and hanging on a cross outside of Jerusalem. His mother still nearby, but out of arms reach. His disciples scattered like sheep.

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

John 19:25-27

As a mother it’s hard to think about the pain Mary endured seeing her son mocked and suffering, unable to comfort him or stop it. Some of Jesus’ last words were instructions for the care of his mother. She was with him at the beginning and with him at the end. It must have cost her a great deal to love her son, and then release him to his destiny. We don’t have any reason to think she tried to stand in his way. She let Jesus be Jesus.

It’s easy to think of a cozy stable and sweet family at this time of year and forget all of the sacrifices involved in the advent. Jesus sacrificed his privileged, eternal position and power, limiting himself to life as a human. Mary sacrificed her comfort, reputation, and her heart. Everyone who encountered Jesus, and were faced with the decision of embracing him as the God/man, faced their own sacrifice, whether it be reputation, comfort, change of career, humility, financial loss, or loss of family. To love is to risk.

Mary unflinchingly leads the way. From the first moment she responded in obedient submission and embraced the sacrifice that would mark her journey. If she could have known how painful it would have been, would she have responded without hesitation? Often it’s a mercy not to see the end at the beginning. Each step of faith is enough, met with power and grace from our generous God.

We have the same invitation set before us. The baby has come, he grew up, sacrificed his life as a ransom for us all, rose to take his position of authority over all created things, and invites us to lay everything down to embrace him. Will we? Sacrifice will be involved; death to pride, trusting God with what we treasure most, acknowledging his authority, embracing humility, facing misunderstanding, walking out of step with this world and in step with his kingdom.

But the sacrifice is worth it. The Bible doesn’t record a post-resurrection meeting between Jesus and his mother, but it does say that he appeared to over five hundred of his followers at different times. (1 Corinthians 15:5-7, John 21:14, Mark 16:12-14, Acts 1:3) Considering her position and presence among his followers throughout the gospels I can only imagine that Jesus certainly appeared to his mother. What must she have felt? Her obedience and worship, trust and sacrifice had paid off! Her son was alive! Not only that, he had purchased life for the whole world.

Are we willing to obey like Mary? To worship, welcome others in, and sacrifice like Mary did? We may not see the fruit of our obedience right away, but the testimony of Mary and Jesus’ followers give us hope and courage that our sacrifice will be rewarded. We will experience life, whole and restored, and shared with Jesus himself.

 Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

John 20:30-31

What are we willing to lay down, for Jesus’ sake, in order to embrace all he has for us?

A Warm Welcome

This advent season I’ve been reflecting on Mary’s posture of receiving and praise. Today I’m thinking about the way God positioned her to welcome.

I vividly remember the experience of becoming a mother for the first time. The hours and days after I had delivered our son were so sweet. I loved introducing him to the dear friends who came to the hospital. The day after he was born was a Sunday. I was glad of the quiet while everyone was at church to take time to study his tiny face, pray, and rest.

I can’t imagine how I would have felt if strangers had come to my hospital room or house to see my infant son! But that’s what happened to Mary. Shepherds came with an audacious story, wanting to see the Savior. Although after all that had happened and the angelic encounters she was probably surprised by very little anymore!

Once the shepherds had seen Jesus they told more people, who may also have wanted to see him for themselves. Later she had foreign visitors show up unannounced. Even Anna and Simeon wanted to hold and prophesy over her baby.

What was Mary’s response? The Bible doesn’t say explicitly, but given her initial answer to Gabriel’s announcement and her song of praise, we can imagine she took these visits in stride. Mary understood that Jesus was for everyone. She contemplated what was happening around her, but she didn’t stand in its way.

 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 

Luke 2:19

Mary understood God had a plan of redemption that centered on Jesus and included her. She didn’t protect her child from the shepherds, wealthy easterners, or old sages. She gave them access to their Savior, recognizing her role was to deliver him and then trust God.

Do we allow the people around us access to Jesus? Strangers, rich, poor, old, young? They may show up in our lives at inconvenient times or be unconventional seekers, but if Mary could welcome strangers and give them access to her child, so can we. Keeping Jesus tucked securely away, a private treasure to guard, ignores his purpose. He was born to be shared.

“When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about”… When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.” 

Luke 2:15,17-18

Who are you welcoming into your life so that they can see Jesus?

Liturgy for a Pandemic

According to Wikipedia “liturgy represents a communal response to, and participation in, the sacred through actively reflecting praise, thanksgiving, supplication or repentance.” I love that definition.

Unless you live under a rock you know that globally we’re coming to grips with COVID-19. There’s concern, uncertainty, fear. People have differences of opinion. Are we over-reacting, under-reacting? The situation is tense, and far from over.

I’ve read articles, watched news briefings, seen all of the emotions represented on social media. Lots of people have lots to say. I don’t need to add my opinion to the mix. Instead, I would like to offer a liturgy. 

Whether you are isolated in your home or your life is tentatively going on as usually. Whether you are afraid or irritated. I invite you to join me in a liturgy, a response of praise, thanksgiving, supplication, and repentance. Take a deep breath. Forget the statistics and participate with me.

Liturgy For A Pandemic (based on Psalm 91):

Lord, you had authority over creation yesterday. You have authority over creation today. And you will still have authority over creation tomorrow. We stop in this moment to give you praise, as is fitting. We praise you for your goodness and mercy. We praise you for your strength and power. You are Lord over all the earth.

In this moment we praise you.

Lord, we confess in this crisis our eyes have been too much on the world and media, and not enough on you. We have thought unkind thoughts, spoken ungracious words, allowed fear to get the best of us, judged others too harshly. Forgive us for not making you our refuge, for not trusting in your name, for not calling on you, or reflecting your nature. Be patient with us and teach us through this time to be like you.

In this moment we ask for forgiveness.

Lord, there are shortages, there is confusion, and tempers flare. At moments we feel stalked by an unseen enemy. Whether by a disease or fear itself, it’s hard to tell. But even in hard moments you provide. You sustain life, give grace, and provide your Holy Spirit to lead us in wisdom. We acknowledge your kindness to us and offer thanks. You invite us to find rest in your shadow. Thank you for giving us all that we need.

In this moment we thank you.

Lord, we acknowledge that you alone are our refuge and place of safety, our God, and we trust you. Rescue and protect us. Protect us from illness. Protect us from misinformation, protect us from complacency, anger, and judgement, protect us from hysteria. Your promises are our protection. Please be a refuge for our neighbor, for the sick, for the healthcare providers, and all who are working to do good for our communities.

In this moment we trust you to provide.

Amen.

There is still much to be faced, and learned, in the days ahead. When you’ve had information overload or feel overwhelmed by the strain, take a moment and use this liturgy to focus on God’s presence with you through it all. Read Psalm 91, maybe even commit portions to memory.

Nothing is wasted in God’s economy, not even the coronavirus. If we let him he will teach us new rhythms of rest, he will give us opportunities to love and trust, he will show his glory, deepen family bonds, and prove himself faithful!

{If you know someone who needs reassurance during these times share this liturgy with them or post it on your social media.}

When your husband doesn’t want to adopt

Almost five years ago I wanted to add another child to our family. Not through pregnancy, I was done with that, but through adoption.

God had captured my heart with the gospel in such a way that adoption seemed the most logically step of obedience to me. His mercy motivated me to show mercy to others. I felt compelled to obey God’s command to love the orphan. I was convinced the biblical command to love came from God’s own heart of mercy and his desire for us to join him in showing that mercy in tangible ways.

The problem: my husband did not feel that same compelling. I didn’t worry. “Surely,” I told myself, “when I explain to Chris what a beautiful reflection of the gospel adoption is, and that God wants us to adopt, he will be on board.”

Nope. Not that he didn’t agree adoption is good and right and something God cares about, he just didn’t see that as God’s next step for us. Not gonna lie, I was frustrated. I fussed to God, “how can I obey you and adopt if my husband won’t co-operate?” I wanted to nag and tell Chris he was being un-spiritual.

I had immersed myself in adoption blogs and looked up adoption procedures. I could have quoted every type of adoption statistic you needed. We had multiple conversations. Finally I just asked him to pray about it. He agreed to pray, and told me he was willing to be willing. I couldn’t argue with that. After several months though nothing had changed. At least not in his heart.

Instead, my heart was convicted. As much as I still valued adoption God was showing me there were other ways I could be obedient to his call for mercy. He gently reminded me that I was not my husband’s Holy Spirit or judge. I knew it was not right to damage our relationship over this matter.

I decided to leave adoption in God’s hands, but part of me grieved. I remember praying: “God I’m willing, and Chris is willing to be willing, you’re just going to have to bring a child to our doorstep if it’s your plan. I’m leaving this with you.” And I let the matter drop (for the most part). I still followed adoption stories of friends with joy and a little bit of awe. Once in a while there was a twinge of longing. But I was satisfied that God knew my heart, that I was willing, and it was enough. 

Maybe you’re in that place. God has shown you a certain step of obedience. You’re excited about a new understanding of his heart and you want to act on it, but your partner’s not there yet. You’re tempted to leave books out for them or send articles and bible verses to convince them of what you know to be true.

Maybe your heart burns for the plight of the orphan and your mama arms want to enfold children into your family. Somehow you know to open your doors to the vulnerable will bring the gospel alive to you in ways you can only dream. Maybe, like I did, you fight resentment. You think – if I can just find the right article to send him we can begin the adoption process.

I have a suggestion. Wait. Pray. Allow God to speak truth to your spouses’ heart and trust their ability to hear it. And be willing for your own heart to be stretched and grown in the process. 

This past summer adoption wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, not like it had been, when God, and Chris, surprised me. At the beginning of this school year we had been talking with friends of ours, who are raising their granddaughter, about helping them care for her after school. We knew it would be a big commitment on our part, 15 hours a week at least. As Chris and I talked he said, “what if we take full responsibility for her?” I wasn’t sure if I understood what he was saying. Breathlessly I asked him to clarify. He suggested that we should offer to adopt her. I burst into tears! I knew in that moment that God had brought my prayers to fruition. 

Over the last few months, as we’ve fleshed out the details of adoption with her grandparents and she’s spent more and more time as a part of our family, I’ve been blown away by what God has done. Five years after God first gave me the dream to adopt our marriage is stronger than it’s ever been, Chris has grown as a father in really beautiful ways, and God’s timing is unmistakable. I didn’t have a ten-year old girl in mind when I started praying, but God knew the right fit and the right timing.

If I had forced the issue I hate to think what the toll on our marriage would have been. Instead of agreeing out of guilt or pressure Chris was able to lead the way in this adoption, based on God’s leading. It doesn’t mean everything has been perfect or simple. Adoption is hard. There is loss involved for the adopted child, and significant change for the adopting family, and in our case new relational dynamics with her family of origin. But it has been clear from the first moment that God has a plan for this little one’s life and we are a part of it. 

So mamas, if you are longing to adopt and wonder if your husband will ever get on board, remember, you married a man of good will and God’s plan for your family is for it to flourish. Trust that God is the God of family, he’s the lover of orphans, and the giver of dreams.

Rest.

God will do what is necessary to accomplish his will in your family and marriage. He will work out a better plan than you could come up with on your own!